When I became a Mom; I started writing about my experience. As we celebrate mothers day I hope all mom's out there can relate to my experience as captured in the excerpt below.
CHAPTER ONE: IN THE BEGINNING
I have always been one of those women that knew I wanted to have kids. My mother was not around very much when I was growing up so I knew when my turn came to be a mom I wanted to be the best I could be.
My little girl was born on 2nd July 2008. The moment I laid my eyes on her I fell head over heels in love with her. I was extremely exhausted from the entire ordeal. The first night I spent with her I could not sleep. I was too afraid that something bad would happen and I would be asleep! Every tiny whimper she made scared me to death. I was afraid she was not breathing and somehow got it into my head that I had to pay attention and I never slept the entire night. When my husband showed up at the hospital the next day I handed her over to catch some zs.
Motherhood has been the most intense experience of my entire life. It’s been the most blissful and most sensible thing I have ever done with my life. Don’t get me wrong I have had moments where I literally banged my head into a wall. When I could not figure out why my baby was incessantly crying or not sleeping and I just curled up with her and cried. I have had to learn the art of sleeping in two-hour intervals and how to function on four hours of sleep. It drove me insane at first because I figured being pregnant and heavy and giving birth was the hard part. Compared to this, that part was a breeze. I don’t even remember what it felt like. The part afterwards can drive anyone into an insane asylum. I cannot believe Tom Cruise actually chastisised Cindy Crawford for seeking help due to her post-partum depression. I mean, how in the world would any man understand what its like to bring a life into this world and then having to care for it under such intense circumstances. Where do women find such stamina? I salute any mother especially single mothers that have been there for their children and have made it through such adversity.
Take my first week home for instance. Who knew a little thing like not being able to pass gas or poop would drive a baby and mom to the brink of insanity! Take it from me. Do not take farting for granted. I was in pain and had to spend nights rocking my daughter back and forth. I mean I tried everything water, medication, begging and praying. Eventually it would all pass and I would have a few minutes of sleep right before another feeding and the cycle would start all over again. Thank God that two months later everything is now in working order all the drama not withstanding. Well at least that is what I thought until a much later period when two days had passed without my baby going for a poop not for lack of trying but rather yielding no results. I had not slept at all as she was crying a lot and with time I realized the water I gave her was not working. In a teary panic I grabbed my husband and we drove to the nearest children’s Hospital where they performed an enema. Now there are certain things in life that should not be allowed to happen to such a tiny and beautiful creature and this was definitely one of them. It was quick and painless and in a minute everything came flooding out. I have never seen a more blissful look on such a tiny and beautiful face. That day for the first time ever my daughter slept for a straight six hours. Sadly for me most of them were spent in hospital and on the road driving back home. But I was beyond elated that she was now fine to even care about sleep.
Through all of this I have learned the meaning of absolute and unconditional love and sacrifice. I now know what God means when he calls us his children. I have learned that there is no greater mission on earth than to bring up a child who will make an impact on society. I have learned that I do have the capacity to change the world through the finger print I leave my daughters life. As I embark on this journey that there is absolutely no room for a halfhearted commitment. I have to and will give it my all.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Overcoming the Storms in our lives
The most difficult thing in life is maintaining your focus on a goal while things all around you are not going as planned or you face some kind of adversity in your life. Women especially, are prone to getting emotionally totaled when things are not working out in one area or other in their lives.
Here are some ways you can stay focused and at the same time empower yourself to rise above your circumstances;
1.Accept the reality of whatever has happened in your life. Allow yourself 5 minutes each day or even a little bit more, to feel sorry for yourself and even cry. After that move on and do something productive.
2.Don’t keep replaying the event in your mind. Focus on bouncing back and staying in control.
3.Keep yourself empowered; stay focused on who you are and why you were created. Fill your mind with positive empowering thoughts. Know that as a woman you have an edge. You are stronger and capable of bouncing back from pain and adversity. Your body was created to navigate times like these.
4.Accept the things you can’t change and move forward with your life. Don’t get stuck in the past or present state. Always be in constant motion; forward motion.
Life is full of adversity and pain and it’s an absolute guarantee that you will face challenging times. Learn to free your heart from bitterness, anger, rage and grudges. Don’t blame yourself, move forward with resolve.
One of my favorite episodes in Desperate Housewives was a scene from Season 5. Right after Bree’s husband Orson had been sent to jail for three years, she went into a state of depression and alcoholism as she tried to deal with losing her husband. Her business partner and friend came to see her and told her to stop feeling sorry for herself, and to focus on filling her life with accomplishment and focus on her goals.
Whatever it is; if it doesn’t kill you it will only make you stronger.
Here are some ways you can stay focused and at the same time empower yourself to rise above your circumstances;
1.Accept the reality of whatever has happened in your life. Allow yourself 5 minutes each day or even a little bit more, to feel sorry for yourself and even cry. After that move on and do something productive.
2.Don’t keep replaying the event in your mind. Focus on bouncing back and staying in control.
3.Keep yourself empowered; stay focused on who you are and why you were created. Fill your mind with positive empowering thoughts. Know that as a woman you have an edge. You are stronger and capable of bouncing back from pain and adversity. Your body was created to navigate times like these.
4.Accept the things you can’t change and move forward with your life. Don’t get stuck in the past or present state. Always be in constant motion; forward motion.
Life is full of adversity and pain and it’s an absolute guarantee that you will face challenging times. Learn to free your heart from bitterness, anger, rage and grudges. Don’t blame yourself, move forward with resolve.
One of my favorite episodes in Desperate Housewives was a scene from Season 5. Right after Bree’s husband Orson had been sent to jail for three years, she went into a state of depression and alcoholism as she tried to deal with losing her husband. Her business partner and friend came to see her and told her to stop feeling sorry for herself, and to focus on filling her life with accomplishment and focus on her goals.
Whatever it is; if it doesn’t kill you it will only make you stronger.
The Secret to Success
Why is it that for some people success seems to have come easy while for others it seems a struggle?
One of my business partners always tells me that his father, who became a millionaire at 25, used to always tell him that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Every successful person you see has gotten to where they are because they paid the ultimate prize for their accomplishment.
I am surprised each day by the price people are willing to pay for a temporary state of accomplishment. Wherever you are in you career cycle, have you ever tried to project a decade into the future? I will give you an example of what I'm getting at.
I attended a class at church where the people in my class felt that our church was putting pressure on them because everyone in the church was young and was driving some kind of really cool and expensive car. For that reason they felt that they were not fitting into the particular kind of class the church was targeting. I told them a story of a lady who worked in one of the leading banks in asset finance. She came to visit and as she took a look in the parking lot she recognized a lot of cars that she owned in the asset portfolio she managed for the bank because the owners were still repaying their car loans for these flashy cars. Yet here were these young men and women feeling that they were not financially capable!
Are you willing to pay the ultimate price!
What sets successful people apart is how they behave. They don’t wait for things to happen they make them happen. They don’t wait until the time is right, they take calculated risks. When things don’t go according to plan, they adapt quickly. They are willing to make mistakes, experiment and explore new possibilities.
One of my favorite songs by Kanye West has a line which goes something like; “before I had it I closed my eyes and imagined”. Ask yourself what you truly want. Think about how you will feel when you have what you want. This means you can begin to direct your life because you have a precise well defined and accurately identified goal.
One of my business partners always tells me that his father, who became a millionaire at 25, used to always tell him that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Every successful person you see has gotten to where they are because they paid the ultimate prize for their accomplishment.
I am surprised each day by the price people are willing to pay for a temporary state of accomplishment. Wherever you are in you career cycle, have you ever tried to project a decade into the future? I will give you an example of what I'm getting at.
I attended a class at church where the people in my class felt that our church was putting pressure on them because everyone in the church was young and was driving some kind of really cool and expensive car. For that reason they felt that they were not fitting into the particular kind of class the church was targeting. I told them a story of a lady who worked in one of the leading banks in asset finance. She came to visit and as she took a look in the parking lot she recognized a lot of cars that she owned in the asset portfolio she managed for the bank because the owners were still repaying their car loans for these flashy cars. Yet here were these young men and women feeling that they were not financially capable!
Are you willing to pay the ultimate price!
What sets successful people apart is how they behave. They don’t wait for things to happen they make them happen. They don’t wait until the time is right, they take calculated risks. When things don’t go according to plan, they adapt quickly. They are willing to make mistakes, experiment and explore new possibilities.
One of my favorite songs by Kanye West has a line which goes something like; “before I had it I closed my eyes and imagined”. Ask yourself what you truly want. Think about how you will feel when you have what you want. This means you can begin to direct your life because you have a precise well defined and accurately identified goal.
Get out of your comfort Zone
The most common question I get is from people who ask me how it is they can be able to move forward and actually put into action the very thing they have been thinking of doing for eons. Once you overcome procrastinating how do you take that final leap? The fear of failure and fear of the unknown is what holds people back. As a person you need to get to a place where you feel your purpose so strongly that not accomplishing it is a worse fate than death.
There is nothing that makes me sad than to meet someone that wanted to do something so badly but because they were unwilling to get out of their comfort zone, they lost time and now they have settled into their fate and what life has handed them as their destiny.
The one thing I tell women to do is to begin with the end in mind.What is it that you want to accomplish in the long run. If you took a look in the mirror and you saw yourself a decade from now; who is the woman looking back at you in the mirror? How does she feel about herself? How does she live her life? What things are important to her? Then figure out how you can get the woman in the present to get to the woman in the future.
Another mistake I have found women making is thinking that there is only one way. Ask any battle strategist, the goal is the same; eliminate the enemy. But the methods are countless. Accept that you are not defined but what you do but what who you are and what you have to offer. Find ways to bring your skill set to the forefront no matter what you do.Whether you set up a yogurt shop or run a multi-million organization the satisfaction and sense of accomplishment is the same.
I have sat in boardrooms with sleek looking investment bankers who own factories and chicken businesses. Remember all that matters is the goal. Do not get caught up trying to keep up with the joneses.
There is nothing that makes me sad than to meet someone that wanted to do something so badly but because they were unwilling to get out of their comfort zone, they lost time and now they have settled into their fate and what life has handed them as their destiny.
The one thing I tell women to do is to begin with the end in mind.What is it that you want to accomplish in the long run. If you took a look in the mirror and you saw yourself a decade from now; who is the woman looking back at you in the mirror? How does she feel about herself? How does she live her life? What things are important to her? Then figure out how you can get the woman in the present to get to the woman in the future.
Another mistake I have found women making is thinking that there is only one way. Ask any battle strategist, the goal is the same; eliminate the enemy. But the methods are countless. Accept that you are not defined but what you do but what who you are and what you have to offer. Find ways to bring your skill set to the forefront no matter what you do.Whether you set up a yogurt shop or run a multi-million organization the satisfaction and sense of accomplishment is the same.
I have sat in boardrooms with sleek looking investment bankers who own factories and chicken businesses. Remember all that matters is the goal. Do not get caught up trying to keep up with the joneses.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
The one minute millionaire
I was driving to work the other day and I remembered something I read in a book called the one minute millionaire. In this book, a woman loses her husband and her in-laws take custody of her kids because they are wealthy and can provide a better life for their grandchild than their mother. The woman is given 90 days to raise one million dollars in order to regain custody.
Now for many of us nothing is ever that urgent in our lives to drive us to go beyond the norm to do something significantly life changing. We are happy to only exist at mediocrity and to make it through the day.
I was having coffee with one of my friends who went into great and grand detail about the things he wanted to do in his life. He described his dream car, house, land in a lot of vivid detail. In what I wrongfully thought to be wisdom, I told him that the most logical thing to do was to plan for the things he could do now while still holding on to his dreams for the future. He then told me something i consider a nugget of truth that I use to this day. He said, “You need to understand that money is a function of work. If you want money, find the work, get the money”.
It’s amazing how many of us walk around with grandiose ideas for the future and fail to act on the present. There is an age at which all of us must stop being full of potential and actually begin to fulfill our potential.
I was at a photo shoot for one of my clients who is the president of the 4th largest real estate developers in the world. As she drove into the studio parking lot, the photographer made a remark that, “there are certain cars in this world you can never by on a salary,” he then pointed at the sleek black range rover and said, “that is one of them.”
There is a gap that separates our present and future. Think carefully and critically about what you need to do to close that gap. Pick up your shovel whatever it may be and start digging. Do not be surprised at the difficulty you will most definitely experience to live your dreams.
The woman in the book invented a toy that she sold to a manufacturer to mass produce and sure enough in 90 days, she was a millionaire. I made my first ever million in four days. There is no such thing as impossible.
Now for many of us nothing is ever that urgent in our lives to drive us to go beyond the norm to do something significantly life changing. We are happy to only exist at mediocrity and to make it through the day.
I was having coffee with one of my friends who went into great and grand detail about the things he wanted to do in his life. He described his dream car, house, land in a lot of vivid detail. In what I wrongfully thought to be wisdom, I told him that the most logical thing to do was to plan for the things he could do now while still holding on to his dreams for the future. He then told me something i consider a nugget of truth that I use to this day. He said, “You need to understand that money is a function of work. If you want money, find the work, get the money”.
It’s amazing how many of us walk around with grandiose ideas for the future and fail to act on the present. There is an age at which all of us must stop being full of potential and actually begin to fulfill our potential.
I was at a photo shoot for one of my clients who is the president of the 4th largest real estate developers in the world. As she drove into the studio parking lot, the photographer made a remark that, “there are certain cars in this world you can never by on a salary,” he then pointed at the sleek black range rover and said, “that is one of them.”
There is a gap that separates our present and future. Think carefully and critically about what you need to do to close that gap. Pick up your shovel whatever it may be and start digging. Do not be surprised at the difficulty you will most definitely experience to live your dreams.
The woman in the book invented a toy that she sold to a manufacturer to mass produce and sure enough in 90 days, she was a millionaire. I made my first ever million in four days. There is no such thing as impossible.
Finding Equlibrium
One of my friends celebrated her 30th birthday a few days ago. When talking to her I was curious to know what to expect in my 30th decade. She shared with me her dreams and aspirations and the things she had hoped to accomplish before turning 30, some which did not quite work out as planned.
The war stories from her twenties were full of intrigue and drama; from bad relationships, business decisions, best and worst mistakes, scars, pain, and no doubt lessons that had made her wiser and stronger as a person. I then asked her what she expected her third decade to be like. Her other thirty-something friends had told her that everything calms down and you become more conscientious and deliberate about the things you do and decisions that you make. It is like you finally find a state of equilibrium; where all things are in perfect harmony. I for one cannot vouch for a bit of truth in that.
It is important for every human being to understand and know yourself well.
There is a place in all of us that must remain at constant in order to be able to survive and succeed in this world. Develop an inner strength and confidence by understanding who you are, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your worth. Regardless of any criticism thrown at you, a business deal, marriage or relationship that goes bad, whether you are rich or flat broke. When everything is peeled away from you; your version of who you are on the inside must be so clear to you that you are able to weather any storm.
A lot of people live their lives by a standard that is set by those around them. They are constantly changing themselves, how they act and behave to suit an occasion or individual. If you do not define yourself and get comfortable with who you are; what will you have left when everything in your life is taken away? What happens if you lose your job, your money, your house, your wife, your friends? Would you survive something that big and how far will the rubber band stretch before you bounce back?
Once you know and define your equilibrium, your task will be to find it when you lose it. Not knowing this is the very thing that stops us from achieving and living our potential regardless of what is happening in our lives.
The war stories from her twenties were full of intrigue and drama; from bad relationships, business decisions, best and worst mistakes, scars, pain, and no doubt lessons that had made her wiser and stronger as a person. I then asked her what she expected her third decade to be like. Her other thirty-something friends had told her that everything calms down and you become more conscientious and deliberate about the things you do and decisions that you make. It is like you finally find a state of equilibrium; where all things are in perfect harmony. I for one cannot vouch for a bit of truth in that.
It is important for every human being to understand and know yourself well.
There is a place in all of us that must remain at constant in order to be able to survive and succeed in this world. Develop an inner strength and confidence by understanding who you are, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your worth. Regardless of any criticism thrown at you, a business deal, marriage or relationship that goes bad, whether you are rich or flat broke. When everything is peeled away from you; your version of who you are on the inside must be so clear to you that you are able to weather any storm.
A lot of people live their lives by a standard that is set by those around them. They are constantly changing themselves, how they act and behave to suit an occasion or individual. If you do not define yourself and get comfortable with who you are; what will you have left when everything in your life is taken away? What happens if you lose your job, your money, your house, your wife, your friends? Would you survive something that big and how far will the rubber band stretch before you bounce back?
Once you know and define your equilibrium, your task will be to find it when you lose it. Not knowing this is the very thing that stops us from achieving and living our potential regardless of what is happening in our lives.
Tips for Surviving a FinancialNegotiation
I remember once, one of my mentors told me that I needed to sharpen my negotiation skills. He even recommended a book I should read. By virtue of him being my boss I was upset and hurt because we had just brokered a multi-million deal for the company even after making a few concessions. The thing about life is that, if you miss an opportunity to learn an important lesson, life will throw that curve ball at you until you wise up.
I believe what he was trying to teach me then could have been a big lesson for me in the future. This particular repeat lesson cost me a little over half a million Kenya shillings. Now, that is one helluva an expensive lesson to learn. Let me share a few tips on how to survive a tough negotiation;
a.Always quote with the client in Mind
A lot of us work with industry defined products and services. Bottom line is, clients always know in their minds what product they want, even though it is just semantics to you. It is important to them that you understand what they want and package it to suit their needs.
b.Would you pay for that?
After you complete your quotation it is important to ask yourself one little important question. If you were the client would you really pay that amount for that product and why? This process will help you form a basis for argument during a negotiation and it also helps you get into the mind of the client.
c.Know your worth
A lot of us are willing to do anything for a quick buck without a care for how your brand yourself and your business into the future. If there is a specific market need that you are filling, you need to be able to define the intellectual and physical assets that you add to your customers’ bottom line 5, 10, 30 years into the future. Price your service/product with that in mind and do not back down or sell yourself short.
d.Beware of your big guns
One thing you need to realize about human nature is, your brain is automatically drawn to big figures. This is where your costs inflate and the first point at which you want to make reductions. Ensure that you position your big guns wisely. Where they add value to the client more that to you.
e.Be willing to make concessions
Before you walk into that negotiation, ensure that you have a clear idea of where you are willing to make concessions and arm yourself. One of my very good friends told me, quote for everything, even twice under the different headlines. It allows you room for give and take.
f.Be stubborn and firm
Sometimes pure stubbornness prevails. Just refuse to back down on particular items and leave it at that. Argue your case out, offer solutions that make the client feel like they wont get as much worth out of you for your product/service but for goodness sake don’t back down.
g.Be willing to walk away
It is important to know the point at which a client will not make any business sense for you to have. It is only then that you will be able to walk away from a big deal because it won’t be worth it. It is only at this point that you will have the audacity to fire a client.
If your internal cost of running their business costs more that you are billing; walk away.
I believe what he was trying to teach me then could have been a big lesson for me in the future. This particular repeat lesson cost me a little over half a million Kenya shillings. Now, that is one helluva an expensive lesson to learn. Let me share a few tips on how to survive a tough negotiation;
a.Always quote with the client in Mind
A lot of us work with industry defined products and services. Bottom line is, clients always know in their minds what product they want, even though it is just semantics to you. It is important to them that you understand what they want and package it to suit their needs.
b.Would you pay for that?
After you complete your quotation it is important to ask yourself one little important question. If you were the client would you really pay that amount for that product and why? This process will help you form a basis for argument during a negotiation and it also helps you get into the mind of the client.
c.Know your worth
A lot of us are willing to do anything for a quick buck without a care for how your brand yourself and your business into the future. If there is a specific market need that you are filling, you need to be able to define the intellectual and physical assets that you add to your customers’ bottom line 5, 10, 30 years into the future. Price your service/product with that in mind and do not back down or sell yourself short.
d.Beware of your big guns
One thing you need to realize about human nature is, your brain is automatically drawn to big figures. This is where your costs inflate and the first point at which you want to make reductions. Ensure that you position your big guns wisely. Where they add value to the client more that to you.
e.Be willing to make concessions
Before you walk into that negotiation, ensure that you have a clear idea of where you are willing to make concessions and arm yourself. One of my very good friends told me, quote for everything, even twice under the different headlines. It allows you room for give and take.
f.Be stubborn and firm
Sometimes pure stubbornness prevails. Just refuse to back down on particular items and leave it at that. Argue your case out, offer solutions that make the client feel like they wont get as much worth out of you for your product/service but for goodness sake don’t back down.
g.Be willing to walk away
It is important to know the point at which a client will not make any business sense for you to have. It is only then that you will be able to walk away from a big deal because it won’t be worth it. It is only at this point that you will have the audacity to fire a client.
If your internal cost of running their business costs more that you are billing; walk away.
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